Bunny Hunt

A few days ago our house was turned upside down by a missing bunny! Not a real one, but a little pink bunny blanket also known as LaLa. My sweet Emma's best friend since she was a baby not much older than Aiden is now.

When Emma was just a few months old we gave her her first LaLa. I had read that giving your baby a security blanket could help them sleep better and feel more secure alone so I figured it was worth a try. We had received her as a gift at our baby shower so I dug her out of the closet and put her next to Em in the crib. It worked and ever since LaLa has been a member of the family. Anyone who has come to Cuddle Bugs when Emma was there has probably been formally introduced to LaLa or at least seen her tucked under Em's arm. She comes everywhere with us and it shows! She is no longer the beautiful, super soft bright pink bunny she had originally been. I actually remember before I had Emma when a lady came in with her child who had a lovey similar to LaLa. I was shocked at how filthy and beat up looking it was, and now I laugh because I'm sure people look at Emma's lovey and think the same thing! Emma wouldn't have it any other way though.

We actually were smart enough to buy multiple bunnies when we realized how important she was to Emma. Soon after LaLa #1 became a big hit, my mother bought us #2. Not long after that another LaLa was consigned at the store and I figured it was probably worth it to snatch her up and save her in case of emergency. Three LaLas...you'd think there was no way we'd end up with none right?! You're wrong! Some how soon after Emma started nursery school we lost two of them within a month. Paranoid about losing the third one (which was actually the original LaLa) I sent my mom out to buy a fourth one. Unfortunately since original LaLa was almost three years old LaLa #4 didn't cut it. Emma called her "Mommy LaLa" and the first one "Baby LaLa". She refuses to play or cuddle with Mommy LaLa since she's not the same dirty, well loved LaLa Emma adores.

Well, two days ago Baby LaLa went missing! We didn't realize it until it was bedtime and Alex and I couldn't find her anywhere in the house. We sent Emma to bed with a stuffed bear instead (she wouldn't take Mommy LaLa). Emma seemed okay for the night, although she did tell me Baby LaLa was crying, which broke my heart! After she went to bed we went on a man, well bunny, hunt for the missing LaLa. We called all of the places we had been for the day, Alex drove over to the YMCA to look. She was no where to be found. The only thing I could think of was to make Mommy LaLa look like Baby LaLa. I took her outside and rubbed her in the dirt and grass, stepped on her and dragged her through my garden. It was painful for me to do this to such a beautiful, expensive bunny, but I had no choice (pretty sure the neighbors sitting on their porch thought I was nuts!). I spent the rest of the night washing everything I could find in the house with Mommy LaLa and running her through the dryer to try to achieve that wash wear look the other LaLa had. It didn't work. Our washer just washed all the dirt and grass right off of her!

I went to bed convinced we were not going to find Baby LaLa and Emma was going to be devastated in the morning when she realized Mommy LaLa was not what she wanted. Looking back I can't believe how upset I was about it - laying in bed trying to think of any other place she could possibly be. I even continued the search at 3am after feeding Aiden, with no luck.

In the morning when I went in her wake Emma she of course asked for LaLa. I gave her the still new looking mommy which she gave back to me saying "No I want Baby LaLa". I wasn't ready to give up yet so I told her we were still on the hunt - not sure how long I was going to be able to hold her off before the break down I knew was coming. I went off to work, leaving her to spend the day boating with Alex and some friends. On the drive to work I was almost in tears wondering what could have happened to that damn bunny!

                      (1st day of school - LaLa went too)
Frantically I reached out to the facebook community to see if I could get lucky and find someone with a nicely used LaLa to replace our lost one. Unfortunately I could not find one, but it did make me smile to see how being a mother forms such a great sisterhood. Other moms responded to my post with sympathy and empathy for our lost friend. Moms posted about their children's loveys and how they would feel awful if anything happened to them. Those who know us well and know LaLa were as concerned as I was in Emma's loss. I also loved all of the suggestions on how to dirty up Mommy LaLa - stain her with tea, tie her behind my car and drive around, run over her... All of which I was prepared to try.

The only other place I could think of was the house we stopped at for a garage sale. I had let Emma out of the car to pick out some movies and honestly couldn't remember if LaLa came along or not. Could she possibly still be there? Did the home owners save her thinking that we may be back for the raggedy old bunny? Well I wasn't going to give up! I sent Alex back to the house later that day to find out and wouldn't you know..she was there!! They had left her on a table out front I guess in case we returned (they were not home at the time). What a relief! I was so happy to have her back - probably more excited than Emma who luckily never really realized the severity of the situation.

I have now put a tag with our phone number in both LaLas just in case this ever happens again. I've also made the executive decision never to give Aiden a security blanket! Too stressful for this mommy to go through again!!

Nursing

Nursing....to some it's a special bonding moment between mommy and baby, to others a daunting unenjoyable task that must be done because it is best for baby. For me I guess I'm kind of in the middle. I don't especially enjoy nursing. It's very time consuming and as a multi-tasker who never stops going, sitting down for 30 minutes to nurse makes me antsy. I usually sit there with baby in one hand and the computer or phone in the other. Don't get me wrong. I love spending bonding time with my children and I also love the fact that I can supply them with the best nutrition they can possibly get, but I just can't sit still that long!
With Emma I nursed/pumped for a little more than seven months. At which point she would no longer sit on my lap long enough to do it so I gave up. She was a happy baby with no colic or gas issues. I did supplement her with some formula so I could go out once in while and also at night which seemed to help her sleep a little longer. Thus was my plan with Aiden!
As most of you know, it has been very different this time around. Poor Aiden didn't enjoy nursing from the start. My milk came in too fast and he sometimes choked and ultimately got very bad gas from nursing. In addition, I went back to work after just 11 days and found it very hard to find the time to nurse him every two hours while helping customers and trying to get work done. As a result I decided to primarily pump and give him bottles. This was also very hard to handle with work. Being able to take fifteen minutes every few hours to pump was very difficult. I would find a time when there were not customers and start pumping. Inevitably someone would come in five minutes in and I'd have to stop. Unfortunately unlike other working moms I wasn't allotted a break and a quiet pumping room!

Bottles helped Aiden a little with the gas but not significantly. The past ten weeks have been spent trying to help him be more comfortable and not scream in pain after every feeding. So, I am overjoyed to report that are trying five different formulas (and yes I have them all opened barely used in my kitchen -someone please take them!) we seem to have found some relief. For the past six days Aiden has been exclusively on Enfamil Nutramigen formula. I've continued to pump in hopes that he could still do breastmilk as well but have found that even a little mixed in with his formula makes him sick. He is such a happy baby now and I am feelilng a lot less stressed and a lot more relaxed and he is even sleeping better (last night he spent the majority of the night in his crib!).

So after much thought, well fighting with myself, trying to decide what was best for both of us, I've decided to wean myself off of pumping and nursing all together. I realize that I could spend days adjusting my diet and try to see if we could make it work and a part of me thinks that maybe I'm a horrible mother for not trying it, but, with my busy work schedule and the fact that the formula alone really seems to make him a different baby, I have come to have some peace with my decision. I put in a solid effort to nurse and it just isn't working for us. There are many people out there who I'm sure are disappointed in my decision and may see me as a bad mom, but I need to do what is best for myself and Aiden and exclusive formula is the answer for us.

It certainly hasn't been easy to stop nursing though. I have had to slowly wean myself off of producing  milk which is very painful and every time I pump it reminds me that Aiden is not getting that milk that I am making for him. Thankfully the milk will not go to waste as I am going to give it to a friend of mine who is due any day now. At least that makes me feel better knowing that something good will come out of all the pumping.

So I guess in the end I just hope Aiden knows that I did really try to nurse even though it didn't work out. Every smile and coo makes it totally worth everything we've been through and I am so looking forward to more of this happy bonding time!