Nursing

Nursing....to some it's a special bonding moment between mommy and baby, to others a daunting unenjoyable task that must be done because it is best for baby. For me I guess I'm kind of in the middle. I don't especially enjoy nursing. It's very time consuming and as a multi-tasker who never stops going, sitting down for 30 minutes to nurse makes me antsy. I usually sit there with baby in one hand and the computer or phone in the other. Don't get me wrong. I love spending bonding time with my children and I also love the fact that I can supply them with the best nutrition they can possibly get, but I just can't sit still that long!
With Emma I nursed/pumped for a little more than seven months. At which point she would no longer sit on my lap long enough to do it so I gave up. She was a happy baby with no colic or gas issues. I did supplement her with some formula so I could go out once in while and also at night which seemed to help her sleep a little longer. Thus was my plan with Aiden!
As most of you know, it has been very different this time around. Poor Aiden didn't enjoy nursing from the start. My milk came in too fast and he sometimes choked and ultimately got very bad gas from nursing. In addition, I went back to work after just 11 days and found it very hard to find the time to nurse him every two hours while helping customers and trying to get work done. As a result I decided to primarily pump and give him bottles. This was also very hard to handle with work. Being able to take fifteen minutes every few hours to pump was very difficult. I would find a time when there were not customers and start pumping. Inevitably someone would come in five minutes in and I'd have to stop. Unfortunately unlike other working moms I wasn't allotted a break and a quiet pumping room!

Bottles helped Aiden a little with the gas but not significantly. The past ten weeks have been spent trying to help him be more comfortable and not scream in pain after every feeding. So, I am overjoyed to report that are trying five different formulas (and yes I have them all opened barely used in my kitchen -someone please take them!) we seem to have found some relief. For the past six days Aiden has been exclusively on Enfamil Nutramigen formula. I've continued to pump in hopes that he could still do breastmilk as well but have found that even a little mixed in with his formula makes him sick. He is such a happy baby now and I am feelilng a lot less stressed and a lot more relaxed and he is even sleeping better (last night he spent the majority of the night in his crib!).

So after much thought, well fighting with myself, trying to decide what was best for both of us, I've decided to wean myself off of pumping and nursing all together. I realize that I could spend days adjusting my diet and try to see if we could make it work and a part of me thinks that maybe I'm a horrible mother for not trying it, but, with my busy work schedule and the fact that the formula alone really seems to make him a different baby, I have come to have some peace with my decision. I put in a solid effort to nurse and it just isn't working for us. There are many people out there who I'm sure are disappointed in my decision and may see me as a bad mom, but I need to do what is best for myself and Aiden and exclusive formula is the answer for us.

It certainly hasn't been easy to stop nursing though. I have had to slowly wean myself off of producing  milk which is very painful and every time I pump it reminds me that Aiden is not getting that milk that I am making for him. Thankfully the milk will not go to waste as I am going to give it to a friend of mine who is due any day now. At least that makes me feel better knowing that something good will come out of all the pumping.

So I guess in the end I just hope Aiden knows that I did really try to nurse even though it didn't work out. Every smile and coo makes it totally worth everything we've been through and I am so looking forward to more of this happy bonding time!